In
“Quality World Pictures: The Importance of Flexibility,” I discussed what can happen when quality world pictures are too rigidly
defined. But what about students who have goals that are both laudable and
beyond their current capacity? You may hear this referred to an the
“unrealistic want.” I try to avoid that term because I am reluctant to identify
another person’s want as “unrealistic.” I can’t count the number of times
students (and other human beings) experienced success even though I might have
identified their goal as “unrealistic.” That’s the power of internal
motivation. When people are adequately motivated, they frequently amaze us with
their success.
Still, what’s a teacher to do when faced with students who create grandiose goals
that have little chance of being achieved, at least in the immediate future?
Certainly, we don’t want to discourage student enthusiasm. At the same time,
encouraging students when we see a high likelihood of failure seems both cruel
and unprofessional.
It’s not unusual for students to create lofty goals and make
promises they are unlikely to keep, like “I’ll never miss another homework
assignment for the rest of the year,” even though this same student has turned
in less than 20% of the assignments so far! This is particularly common with
students who are struggling. Why? Remember that we are always motivated by what
we want at that moment. A struggling
student working with a caring teacher is driven to please them and connect with
them. They are primarily interested in figuring out what they can say and do
that will help them connect positively with their teacher at that
moment. Even if what they say represents
something beyond their capacity, that’s a problem for another day. Right now,
they are driven to connect with their teacher so they tell them they will do
everything possible to magically morph into an ideal student.
Here’s the rub: teachers listening to a student promise to
complete all assignments, do their best, achieve excellence, etc are hearing
something that matches their quality world picture. It’s only logical for
teachers to encourage and support the student because it represents what the
teacher wants.
After this momentary feel-good moment, reality sets in and
teachers are all too familiar with students who fail to live up to the promises
they made. Contrary to popular belief, this is usually not a case of a student
“playing you” or being manipulative. It is related to one of the needs that
drive all people: the need for competence. Students who struggle and then make
promises that are nearly impossible to keep feel overwhelmed and miserable.
Rather than facing their pain directly, many defend themselves by abdicating
responsibility. Put simply, it’s less painful to be thought of as a lazy,
irresponsible student than to be perceived as incompetent. How often have you
heard struggling students defend themselves with comments like, “This is
stupid. I could do it if I wanted to. It’s just lame.”
To break this cycle, teachers can help kids set realistic,
attainable goals and make reasonable plans that have a good chance of being
successful. When kids come to you with grandiose plans, you don’t have to shoot
them down, but you can ratchet things down a notch by identifying an interim
goal that gets them moving in a positive direction rather than repeating the
cycle of failure they have already mastered.
We are driven by what we want at that moment. When a student creates a goal and plan that you
think is doomed to failure, remember that they are driven to connect with you,
to please you, to be OK with you. Help them realize that they can attain what
they want by simply moving in a positive direction, creating realistic goals,
and developing reasonable plans. This helps them gradually (but effectively)
transition from a failure identity to a success identity. Over time, they will
develop the capacity to satisfy their need to connect as well as their need for
competence by experiencing more academic success.
Goals. Quality World pictures. We need them. But it’s
crucial that we create attainable goals to sustain the motivation necessary to
achieve lasting success.
***
As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please
send the link to your friends. Thanks.
Bob Sullo
PO Box 1336
Sandwich, MA 02563
For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a
keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit
www.internalmotivation.net
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