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Ever wish your students were more motivated? If you’re like most of us, you have tried an array of rewards and punishments to motivate kids. There’s only one problem: it doesn’t work. At least it doesn't work well enough. People (yes, even students) aren’t motivated from the outside so rewards and punishments only work to a point. We are internally motivated. That’s why it's essential to engage and inspire students to be motivated to succeed in school (and life.)

If you’re ready to move beyond the reward/punishment model and embrace a whole new way to understand motivation, I encourage you to come back regularly. It’s time to challenge the status quo and create schools and classrooms based on what really motivates behavior.


Monday, September 30, 2013

Effective Parenting: The Importance of Setting Limits


I recently was asked the following question by a parent:

I don’t mind my 12-year old daughter using her iPad for recreational purposes. But lately, it’s been distracting her sleep pattern. She’s sleeping later and later because she’s glued to it. I’ve tried to take it away but this results in her yelling and resisting even more to go to sleep. I even tried to go on a light jog after dinner to get her a bit tired and ready for bed. Any suggestions?

Being an effective parent includes establishing limits and sometimes saying “no.” The typical 12-year old will yell and resist when they don’t get their way. When you say “no” – also known as “doing your job as a parent” - they’ll sulk and pout and yell and try to guilt you into capitulating. Trying to get what they want – even if it’s not in their best interest - is their choice. There’s nothing wrong or unusual about that.

As a parent, you also have a choice. You can allow your child to have their way, experience some short-term relief, possibly hear “you’re the best Mom (Dad) ever!” and contribute to their poor sleeping habits…..or….you can do what you think is in your child’s best interest even though it means some momentary unpleasantness. 

When kids stay up too late, their sleep pattern is disturbed. Adults understand this, but adolescents often fail to appreciate the consequences of their actions. Consequences happen in the future. Adolescents live in the present. 

All jobs involve some difficult moments. The most important job – parenting – is no different. The best parents say “yes” as often as possible while setting limits that are appropriate. A parent’s job description includes if and when an iPad can be used. Despite her protests, your daughter will be better off when you demonstrate that you are a parent who sets reasonable limits.

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As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net



Sunday, September 8, 2013

Improving Education: Sometimes It's What You Don't Do



Education increasingly emphasizes what is easily quantifiable - like test scores - even if what’s being measured and analyzed might not represent what’s most important for kids to learn. With teachers focusing on ensuring that kids do well on high-stakes tests, I worry about those spontaneous productive tangents that never occur, the discussions that never take place, and the less measurable competencies that are pushed aside. 
Like it or not, I accept that we live in a test-driven educational universe. An article in The New York Times recently identified students in Massachusetts as highly successful in both math and science: “If Massachusetts were a country, its eighth graders would rank second in the world in science, behind only Singapore, according to Timss — the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study, which surveys knowledge and skills of fourth and eighth graders around the world. (The most recent version, in 2011, tested more than 600,000 students in 63 nations.) 
“Massachusetts eighth graders also did well in mathematics, coming in sixth, behind Korea, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Japan. The United States as a whole came in 10th in science and 9th in math, with scores that were above the international average.”
Impressive test results, to be sure. But what I found most interesting in the article was the following passage: “Also noteworthy was what the reforms did not include. Parents were not offered vouchers for private schools. The state did not close poorly performing schools, eliminate tenure for teachers or add merit pay. The reforms did allow for some charter schools, but not many.”
I encourage you to take a moment and read that passage again. Those who clamor for better schools frequently argue that parents should be given vouchers - highlighting the always popular concept of “choice” - while failing to mention that vouchers contribute to the erosion of the public school system, a cornerstone of a democratic society. Massachusetts has demonstrated that we don’t need to dismantle public schools to improve education.
It’s not uncommon for poorly performing schools to be closed. Apparently some believe this somehow addresses underlying problems. I guess if “The X School” closes its doors, there will be one fewer school on next year’s list of poorly performing schools. Such a superficial approach is akin to believing you are healthy if you choose to ignore symptoms of illness.
Finally, there are the hot-button issues of tenure and merit pay. In an environment increasingly distrustful of organized labor, tenure is often portrayed as the scourge that has ruined public education. Instead of using tenure to protect incompetent teachers - the argument goes - schools should get rid of the deadwood and implement a system of merit pay to retain those teachers whose students do well on high-stakes testing. Of course, one problem with merit pay is that it promotes competition among teachers (or schools...or districts....or states). Competition compromises collaboration. If we want effective strategies to be implemented, shared, and replicated, we need to nurture a culture of professional collaboration. 
If you support high-stakes testing and believe the results of Timss, schools in Massachusetts are doing a great job. I suggest it’s not just because of what’s being done; it’s also because of what is not being done.

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As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Managing Your Child's "Expanding" Vocabulary


I recently received this question from a parent:

My son is 14 years old and he just began learning cuss words. I understand that he may be trying to verbally release anger and stress but isn’t 14 a bit too young to be cursing? I firmly tell him that he shouldn’t use such words but I can’t seem to get through to him. What can I do to help him stop cursing?

There’s no single reason why youngsters choose to use profanity. It may be an attempt to act “grown up,” especially if adults in the home use profanity. It may be a way to appear “cool,” particularly if their friends use profanity. It may be a way to test limits and discover boundaries. It may simply be a reflection of contemporary society.

I am uncomfortable advising any parent about what they should be regarding their child’s use of profanity. Each parent needs to establish what is acceptable in their home. My wife and I never had a big problem with profanity. We simply told our three kids, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house.” There were no big discussions. No family meetings. No punishment. As parents, we identified the expectation and moved on. Equally importantly, neither my wife nor I used profanity around our kids. (Telling your kids to “Do what I say, not what I do” just doesn’t work. It’s essential to model the behavior you want from your children.)

Part of parenting is helping kids learn that we act and speak differently in various situations. How I act and speak when I’m conducting a workshop for parents or teachers is different from how I act and speak when out to dinner with friends or on vacation with my family. Kids are well served when they learn that some behavior and language may be acceptable in one situation and inappropriate in another context. My wife and I made it clear to our kids that profanity wasn’t appropriate in our home. That worked for us, but each parent needs to establish the expectations for their own family.

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As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net

Friday, August 16, 2013

A Question For Teachers: "What Do You Want?"


As schools across America prepare to begin a new academic year, teachers face expectations from various sources, including parents, building leaders, department heads, and central office. With most states opting into the  the Common Core State Standards Initiative, yet another set of expectations is in play. It’s all part of today’s educational landscape.

The problem with these expectations - perhaps “limitation” is a more accurate word - is that they are external. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with them, but people are ultimately motivated from the inside. The expectations of others and externally imposed standards only take us so far. To reach the highest level of achievement, professionalism, and motivation, we need to develop internal expectations and standards.

I invite every educator to create their own expectations for the coming year, using WDEP, a model developed by Bob Wubbolding, Senior Faculty member of The William Glasser Institute.

W: Want. It’s obvious what others want and expect from you this school year. Beyond that, what do you want for yourself and from yourself? Is it that more students achieve at a higher level? Is it to nurture more collaborative relationships with parents? To cut down on the number of disciplinary infractions in the classroom? To infuse more technology into your teaching? To begin or complete an advanced degree? The list of potential “wants” is endless. Identify a few that really matter to you. Aside from all the externally imposed - and very important - expectations, what do you want for and from yourself this school year?

D: Doing. One of the core principles of Choice Theory is that all behavior is purposeful. We behave in an effort to achieve what we want. Once you have identified what you want, determine what you need to do to turn your goal(s) into reality. Having a clearly identified want is necessary, but not sufficient. Life doesn’t simply happen to us. If you want something, you need to develop clarity about what you need to do to achieve it.

E: Evaluation. How will you know if you have achieved what you want (or are heading in the right direction)? Some goals are more easily evaluated. If you have a goal of making  contact with the family of each student, you can objectively track your progress. Some goals are less tangible. Suppose, for example, you want to enjoy even better relationships with your professional colleagues. How will you measure it? What criteria will inform you of your progress so you can effectively self-evaluate. Ongoing self-evaluation helps you maintain what’s working or change your actions to become more effective.

P: Plan. Words, theory, and ideas are nice, but don’t mean much unless they are put into action. With a new school year about to begin, what’s your specific plan of action to become more like the educator you’d like to be? When will you begin? If you don’t commit to a specific plan, are you likely to have the kind of professional experience you want for yourself this year? How badly do you want what you say you want? Enough to think about it? Talk about it? Do it? Creating and implementing an action plan will help you experience the success you want for yourself.

Lots of people in various roles will expect things from you this school year. As a teacher, you’ll identify expectations for your students. That’s the way it works. I encourage you to go beyond the experience of external expectations this year and identify your own set of internally generated expectations.

Note: You can read more about this topic in Chapter 14 (“Create Your Professional Identity”) of The Motivated Student: Unlocking the Enthusiasm for Learning.

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As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net



Friday, August 9, 2013

"My Daughter Can Be A Bit Of A Bully:" Part 2



Here are some additional thoughts after I received the following question from a parent.

My daughter can be a bit of a bully at times. When she plays games with friends if she doesn't get her way, she gets real bossy. I can tell from her friends' faces that this really annoys them. I can't get my daughter to change her behavior and want to help her before she loses these friends. Suggestions?

When your child is behaving in an unacceptable way – even doing something as distasteful as bossing or bullying  - it helps to remember that everybody is doing the best they can at that moment to meet their needs. It may be difficult to believe, but your child doesn’t know a better way to get what they want. As clumsy, awkward, or inappropriate as they may be, what you see represents their best shot at that moment. Part of our job as parents is to help our kids develop better, more elegant, responsible ways to meet their needs. Rather than choosing to be upset and frustrated by our children’s unwanted behavior, we can say to ourselves, “This is the best they can do right now. They don’t know any better. It’s not OK and I won’t sanction this behavior. My job as a parent is to help my kids develop the resources to meet their needs responsibly.” When parents remind themselves that their kids are works in progress - not just “being bad” -  they are better able to teach and guide them, even when kids display inappropriate – but very typical – behavior.

It would be nice if our kids always behaved exactly as we’d like, but that’s not the way it works. How parents choose to deal with the expected bumps along the way will play a significant role in how things play out. When your children struggles, use it as an opportunity to teach them a better way to get what they want. That’s one essential quality of an effective parent. 

Note: This was originally published by Funderstanding. Their newsletter is free and includes interesting, useful ideas for both educators and parents. I encourage you to subscribe.

As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net

Don't forget to get your copy of the revised edition of The Inspiring Teacher: Making A Positive Difference In Students' Lives.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

"My Daughter Can Be A Bit Of A Bully. Any Suggestions?"


A parent recently sent me the following: "My daughter can be a bit of a bully at times. When she plays games with friends if she doesn't get her way, she gets real bossy. I can tell from her friends' faces that this really annoys them. I can't get my daughter to change her behavior and want to help her before she loses these friends. Suggestions?"

Parents who observe their kids being bossy or bullying understandably become frustrated. “There’s absolutely no reason for them to behave like that!” they’ll say to me. My first reminder to parents is that all behavior – even unattractive behavior like bossing and bullying – is purposeful. While it’s not the behavior you want to see from your child, they are acting that way for a reason. Typically it’s connected to the universal need for power or freedom. Kids who boss or bully often gain a measure of power and control, at least temporarily. If you’re faced with this situation, determine some other, more appropriate ways your child can meet the needs for power and freedom. For example, yet can let them decide which one of three activities you’ll do together as a family this weekend. Or which one of three meals you’ll have for dinner. Or whether to do their homework before dinner or after dinner. If you’re really adventurous, you might even let them control the clicker when you watch television together! What’s important is that your child feels that sometimes they get to be the boss. When kids meet their needs for power and freedom by doing things that you sanction, they’ll be less driven to satisfy those needs through inappropriate behaviors like bossing and bullying. Just as kids who are given one or two cookies after dinner are less likely to gorge themselves on the whole box when no one is looking, kids who regularly satisfy the needs for power and freedom responsibly and respectfully are less likely to resort to bossing and bullying.

Note: This was originally published by Funderstanding. Their newsletter is free and includes interesting, useful ideas for both educators and parents. I encourage you to subscribe.

As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net

Don't forget to get your copy of the revised edition of The Inspiring Teacher: Making A Positive Difference In Students' Lives.

Monday, July 8, 2013

"What's So Wrong With Rewards?"


I recently received the following question: "I've read enough about Choice Theory to know I shouldn't use rewards in my home or classroom. But I've used them and they really seem to work. What’s so wrong with rewards?"

Here's what I answered: Rewards promote compliance, not responsibility. Adults like to talk about kids and their behavior, but let’s forget about the kids for a moment and consider what we want as parents and teachers. Rewards may entice kids into compliance, but there’s no evidence that they help kids internalize values and  promote self-control.  Consider these words from EJ Sobo, a professor at San Diego State University: “Children cultivated toward dependence on external praise through constant positive stroking are at risk for growing into poorly-adjusted adults who must always look to others for approval. They never have a chance to develop their own internal resources.” If you’re like me, you want kids to develop responsibility and be self-directed. Providing external rewards only distance us from what we say we want as parents and teachers.

If you’re satisfied with a quick fix and enjoy living from mini-crisis to mini-crisis, then rewards will work just fine. On the other hand, if you want to promote responsibility and self-control, it’s time to abandon the quick fix offered by rewards. Yes, it will take more time. It will force you to move from autopilot to genuinely engaging with kids. But if you have the will to stick with it, you’ll be a more effective and satisfied parent or teacher.

Note: This was originally published by Funderstanding. Their newsletter is free and includes interesting, useful ideas for both educators and parents. I encourage you to subscribe.

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As always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your friends. Thanks.

Bob Sullo

For information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net

Don't forget to get your copy of the revised edition of The Inspiring Teacher: Making A Positive Difference In Students' Lives.