I recently received the following question: "I've read enough about Choice Theory to know I shouldn't
use rewards in my home or classroom. But I've used them and they really seem to
work. What’s so wrong with rewards?"
Here's what I answered: Rewards promote compliance, not responsibility. Adults
like to talk about kids and their behavior, but let’s forget about the kids for
a moment and consider what we want as
parents and teachers. Rewards may entice kids into compliance, but there’s no
evidence that they help kids internalize values and promote self-control.
Consider these words from EJ Sobo, a professor at San Diego State
University: “Children cultivated toward dependence on external praise through
constant positive stroking are at risk for growing into poorly-adjusted adults
who must always look to others for approval. They never have a chance to
develop their own internal resources.” If you’re like me, you want kids to
develop responsibility and be self-directed. Providing external rewards only
distance us from what we say we want as parents and teachers.
If you’re satisfied with a quick fix and enjoy living from
mini-crisis to mini-crisis, then rewards will work just fine. On the other
hand, if you want to promote responsibility and self-control, it’s time to
abandon the quick fix offered by rewards. Yes, it will take more time. It will
force you to move from autopilot to genuinely engaging with kids. But if you
have the will to stick with it, you’ll be a more effective and satisfied parent
or teacher.
Note: This was originally published by Funderstanding. Their newsletter is free and includes interesting, useful ideas for both educators and parents. I encourage you to subscribe.
***
As
always, if you enjoyed this and found it useful, please send the link to your
friends. Thanks.
Bob
Sullo
For
information about books by Bob Sullo and to schedule a keynote, workshop, or
series for your school, agency, or parent group visit www.internalmotivation.net
